Can’t teach an old dog new tricks

So…. advice needed. BM sent an email yesterday stating she wants the kids to switch weekends so they can attend her college graduation in May 2012. That is a reasonable request, we think. But she wants to pick them up on a Wednesday night and keep them out of school for TWO days to be able to go. This is during the end of the school year and SD12 has to have her attendance up to be able to graduate herself (8th grade grad) and we get nasty grams when the kids miss school. DH and I think 2 days is excessive to miss school. We told her thanks for advance notice and that we would make sure they do not have testing that week (CST testing ect, or end of year testing) and get back to her. She replies with, “They MUST attend the graduation.” What are your thoughts??

Keep in mind she lost custody PARTIALLY because HER schooling was more important than theirs. She let them “drown while she was doing well to better herself.” (Judges words, not mine) We want them to go, it IS important but two days??? The graduation only takes a couple hours, not a couple days.

God helps those who help themselves.

God helps those who help themselves..

God helps those who help themselves.

- George Herbert (1593-1632)

This is my Motto for today. This totally goes along with how my day is going to go.

The kids Mom was looked down upon in court because A. She never made them appointments when CLEARLY they needed to see a doctor. And B. When the kids finally lived with us and they WERE going to the doctor for all the crap she neglected, she NEVER showed up, was never a part of what went on and then complained when her opinion was not considered when treatment was planned.

Keep in mind that these are NOT the only things that she was criticized for but they are relevant to today so these are the major ones I am mentioning today.

Also, keep in mind that we have sent her 2 or 3 emails about today spanning the week and to this second, have not received a response from her. Stepson has a treatment being done today at his doctor. She is not working (unless she has another job we are unaware of, which could be but doubtful) and she is more than welcome to be there for Stepson. I figured since tomorrow is her day to take him that maybe we both could save a trip and he could go today. She has not answered….

To top that off, Stepson will need a follow up appointment in 4-5 weeks. During that 4-5 weeks Stepson will be WITH HIS MOM. So, we have asked her about scheduling his follow up appointment as well. We have him ONE weekday in July but not until 5 pm. So, making it during our time when it is supposed to be is going to be…. um, difficult.

We gave her some options. 1. Text/call her when we make the appointment so she can say yes or no to what works for her, since I not know her schedule. 2. She can call when we are finished today and make the appointment during her time. 3. We could make it for the one weekday he is home next month but drop off would need to be earlier that day to accommodate. We also mentioned her taking him to the appointment on that day and we would take him home from there to make drop off easier.

…….. We have heard NOTHING. NOT one word.

So, I cannot presume to know what is going on with her but this is actually VERY like her and nothing is new about it.

So, I am sure she still sees herself as the victim here and that she was “robbed of HER kids.” When that fact remains that she has done nothing…. and I mean NOTHING, to change her life to even try to get her kids back. She has not been tho their appointments, she probably won’t be there today…. but she will surely b*tch and moan about any choices made for future appointments or treatments needed.

**UPDATED**

So, she DID actually get back to me, RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT the house and said that she was NOT going to be there. Surprise, Surprise. Everything was good except Stepson admitted to eating popcorn at his Mom’s house with braces on when the doc wanted to know why his wires were bent. NICE!!! NOT!!! We were told he was not allowed to eat popcorn with braces not ever and of coarse, she does what she wants anyway. Stoopid woman, well this is why WE have custody and she doesn’t, because she cannot keep her crap in one sack or make her kids do anything they are supposed to do. (Or not do as the case may be)

Double Standards?

So, has anyone else noticed that there is always a double standard when it comes to divorced people?

For example:

One parent can remarry, while the other one is criticized for doing the same thing.

One parent can have/make the kids call their Significant other “Mom” or “Dad” but the other “stepparent” is not “Mom” or “Dad”.

One parent has an obligation to the kids while the other doesn’t IF the roles are reversed (and maybe if they aren’t reversed) This could be financially or otherwise.

One parent can alienate the kids but OMG! If the other parent gets a hint of alienation from the other parent they scream PAS so loud that China could hear them from California.

One parent can be late to pick up or drop off the kids by hours, but the other even hints via text that they might be late, OMG the world might end.

And why is it that the kids can do it, too?? Why can the kids pick up the habits of the “double standard parent” and it is ok…… well until the kid picks up the other parents standard, then it is not ok…..

 

Sorry just rambling about something my Stepson and I addressed today. We can go back to our regularly scheduled programs.

Our Attorney wants a conference call with Husband and the Ex?

So, it is obvious that the Ex no longer has an attorney. Otherwise our attorney would not be asking for a conference call between the 3 of them. Hmmmmm, that is odd. Husband is at work so it won’t be anytime today but i will post updates.

On another note, Biomom called Stepson9 last night AFTER his bedtime. WTF?? She knows his bedtime is the same time every night. And he called her before dinner. It took her that long to call back? She used to criticize Husband for that…. o how the tables have turned. So, she talked to him this morning instead. He came out of his room smiling from ear to ear. No doubt she told him something nasty that will make me want to knock her block off. All well, I am not worried about it. She can say what ever she likes, she has to actually follow through, something she has never done in the 8 years I have been around.

 

UPDATE:

Our attorney has withdrawn from the case so BM has no choice but to deal with us on this matter. She is trying to rack up a bill for me and I do not think that is cool at all. So, no conference call is going to happen.

The last year…..

So, I have not blogged all year. It has been a VERY busy year and being that I am the custodial stepmom and have 3 kids of my own, things are NUTS around here.

Things are ok, for the most part. I need a break and cannot wait for the chance to get one.

Stepdaughter turns 13 this year and Stepson is now 9. Stepdaughter doesn’t see her Mother anymore, has only been to her house two times in almost a year. Stepson goes Every other weekend as ordered and half the summer.

Both kids are in therapy. Both ended the school year, yet again, on a positive note and did VERY WELL. Stepdaughter almost made B honor roll and actually got a passing grade (that was not a D-) for once in her entire life. Stepson got 9, yes NINE, Outstandings on his report card, again something he has NEVER had, even if you add all the years he lived with his Mother together. Both are thriving.

Stepson still acts as if he hates my guts, although I know he doesn’t. He just is not allowed to like me, or anything else to do with me OR my Husband. He feels he will betray his Mom and she makes him feel guilty at every turn.

A lot has happened in the last year, I couldn’t possibly post it all. Let’s just say that we have paid support to the NON-CUSTODIAL parent for over a year. And finally it ended a couple weeks ago. We have primary custody and it was finalized earlier this year. The kids Mother gave up and basically walked away. Which is probably the best thing, since she was putting everyone in the poor house to fight a losing battle. She was not going to win it, she neglected and abused these kids for years and never even tried to make it right.

I ended up dropping out of school. I did well but had to drop a class being that I was so busy with the kids. This is not a bad thing, just makes me a little sad. But, hey you do what you gotta do, right? The kids will thank me someday…. right???? Their own Mother didn’t do that when they were drowning. Even the Judge said it was great that their Mom was going back to school to better herself but that she was supposed to “carry her family, not let them fall by the wayside” while she was doing good. But they were doing really bad before she started going back to school, things just got worse after. As for me dropping out, I plan on going back but we all know how well that works out. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, right??

So, we stopped paying support a few weeks ago. The kids Mother re-opened the case today. Apparently, she thinks we should still pay her. Well, the joke is on her….. she has been working ALOT and we know she has. I can’t say HOW we know but we know none-the-less. And the fact remains that we don’t WANT or need her money, however…. she opened the case…. if she ends up having to pay us…. so be it. I mean, seriously, what kind of person (man or woman) asks the CUSTODIAL parent to pay them?? She has not even had Stepdaughter in almost a year and Stepson 4-6 days a month.

She also thinks that we have to pay back medical bills prior to our last order. We agreed to pay ALL medical bills for the kids that were not emergency bills from the date of filing forward. She apparently, didn’t pay her half of a bill from April and she made an arrangement for June. She thinks we are ordered to pay it.  We were not ordered to pay anything backwards but we already paid HALF of that particular bill. She is so irritating me.

 

Long time …. no see….. (9 months and Counting)

So Husband has been custodial parent for 9 months now.

A LOT has happened in these past few months and I have been so busy with the kids and my own schooling that I just did not have ANY time to post at all….

The school year ended GREAT! the kids did well! They even got some awards, they have NEVER had awards before. It was wonderful!! (My son got the PRESIDENTIAL AWARD and an award that his school has never given before because he read so many books last year! Go Oldest SON!)

So, we had court in June after our initial hearing that we gained custody at. Kids stayed with us. BM wanted summer visitation (which is ok) and we needed to get the kids into tutoring. We asked to split the weeks with BM so we could put them into tutoring during the beginning of the week and she could have them 3 days EVERY week. She threw a fit and wanted to have them all summer “because that is what Dad had when he was non-custodial.” That was a flat lie to the Judge so I was shaking my head in the courtroom like she was wrong and the Judge flat asked me who I was and why was I doing that. I told her I was the Stepmom and that BM is mistaken and we agreed to 2 weeks in June, weekends in July and 2 weeks in August when we were non-custodial. Everyone agreed that I was right and the Judge agreed that that is what Mom should have then. She wanted us to do tutoring…. BM has a bigger fit stating she “could do that.” And the Judge says… “THEN DO IT.” She orders BM to put them into tutoring and gives her 30 days right off the top of visitation instead of what we had before.  Needless to say…. BM wanted us to pay for it…. she didn’t follow through, the kids  NOT go to court ordered tutoring during her time at all. We were also ordered to do mediation interviews with the kids and pay $400 for them.

Kids had their interviews. SD wants to stay with us, SS8 wants to go back to Mom’s. SS8 is getting his medical treatment as ordered and we have done everything the Judge told us to…. including putting the kids into tutoring when BM didn’t.  So we are scheduled for another hearing…. BTW, we dropped the Child support case and STILL PAY SUPPORT for the kids we have custody of. SS15 (the one who is not my DHs biological son) has been offically adopted by his stepdad and my DHs name is no longer on his birth certificate but for some odd reason…. he has yet to be removed from our DCSS case. We have tried and they keep saying they have no proof. We are not a party to the action and cannot get the adoption papers to prove it. They said they would contact BM for the papers and she has yet to give them to DCSS. In fact she filed for MORE support even though we have custody.

So we go back for our third hearing in September. Judge hears what the kids want and what has been going on. Doesn’t care what SS8 wants because he is too young to decide what is best for him, besides the fact that he was obviously coached on what to say. a special needs child of his age would not say the things he said to the mediator. SD gets to stay, its a done deal and we still have one more hearing (settlement conference) at the end of next week to decide SS8s fate. He is doing well now, on his medication, has his therapy and everyone has acknowledged his disabilities. BOTH kids are getting good grades…. SD made honor roll for the first time in her life and has turned in every single piece of homework since school started back up. We are extremely proud of all our kids!!!!

BM still thinks SS8 is coming back to her and she is pretty confidant. We are not that cocky to say that we know anything for sure. Although it looks pretty clear cut, I cannot say I know what the judge will do. She has barely showed to their appointments, she has not changed anything in her home at all, she still is gone just as much as before, she wants to have SS8 back and to put him into after school program. He doesn’t have to be in any kind of care after school here, he can be in his yard at his house and play in his room if he wants. He likes coming home and should. Why would the Judge allow her to put him into after school program when he can be home with his siblings in his house with his Dad???? BM seems to think she can win. Again, she could…. I am not sure of anything.

Well…. except one thing…. SD HATES BM these days. She has not seen BM in 6 weeks unless it was in a parking lot for 5 minutes to say hello. We had an incident where SD refused to go with her and the cops came and it was a HUGE mess…. hense why SD is in therapy. Therapist said we should not force her to go and should not even ask her if she is going at this point. She says that SD is VERY ANGRY at her Mom and it is clear that SD HATES her Stepfather (the one who gave her cold showers and the one who screams at her over the phone) SD recently told us that tried to kill herself at BMs last year before moving here. The therapist has more details about it but she told Husband and I that it was not actually an attempt and that she thought it was a cry for attention. BM has tried to say she was threatening to kill herself over the phone one night since she has been with us and SD was not here. she was at a friends house and when we went to go get her (immediately) the parents of the other girl told us that both girls were in their living room with them and they were fine…..  We made SD come home anyway (we brought the friend so it was not like a punishment) We think BM just wanted something to use in court to take SD back….. she is a loser.

O and BM hired a new attorney… she says her old attorney screwed her case for her and it is all his fault she lost custody. I swear she is mental…. she cant ever take responsibility for anything…. She was confidant her new attorney would win SS8 back at the last hearing and he didn’t. So I guess that is HIS fault too, rather than maybe HER fault. She was SCREAMING at him after the hearing too.It was quite funny to see her flip out on him for something SHE caused.

 

I hope they do not move these kids after 9 months of being stable. That would be a total injustice to them….

So irritating….

So, I am super irritated this morning. The kids came home from their visitation with Mom last night.

Their Mom sent Husband a text on Saturday night stating that SD “was having a hard time with her asthma” and could we get a second prescription for her to take with her to Moms house.  Ok… fine, however…. #1 BM HAD a RX already for SD before we did, where is it? #2, SD has not had ANY issues what-so-ever with her asthma or allergies while at our house and has not even taken her RX in two 1/2 weeks. So, WTF is going on? (Not that we won’t send it, we will)

So, SD gets into the car wearing a pair of spandex pants so small that you can see her skin through them! With a pair of open-toed shoes with tiny pink kissy lips all over them. She is supposed to wear these clothes to school on Friday to wear to her Mom’s house…. she CANNOT wear open-toed shoes to school nor will we allow her to wear see-through pants to school. NOT happening…..

SS was wearing pants size 6. He is 8 years old and although not huge for his age, he is NOT even in a 7 pair of jeans anymore…. He wears an 8/10 at our house. I can see his ankles when he walks up, they are THAT short and too small.

Then, SD asks us “So did you guys hear what happened to me yesterday?” We tell her that we were told that she was “having a hard time with her asthma.” She says “Yes, but did you hear why?” Um, nope. So she tells us that her older brother (the one who is legally DHs but not his bio-son, who is almost 15) did a wrestling move on her and threw her onto her bed really hard and knocked the wind out of her and she started coughing to catch her breath and had an attack!!!! Great! And we were not told this why? O, everyone knows WHY! DUH!

But what to do about it…????

Week 2 of Custodial parenthood for Dad!

So, please see this post for last week.

So, Kids came home last night form their first weekend with their Mom. Husband apologized to her for her thinking he was being what she called “smug” the other day. He was not trying to sound smug but she was in biotch mode and took it that way. So then she apologized for being in biotch mode. She actually admitted she is having a hard time (as IF the 62 texts and phone calls were not a hint, right?) and then she started to make a comment about “nothing being wrong at her house.” AS IF! She changed her mind and said “nevermind” and closed her mouth. She knows she is wrong and that the judge would not have removed her kids if her house was perfect as she proclaims.

She sent SD to us asking if her phone restrictions could be changed “just for Mom.” The answer is no. Mom would not let us talk to SD at late hours and SD is not talking to ANYONE after 8 pm. I think an 11 year old has to have limits and the limit is 30 minutes before bed. We do not let my ex talk to DS11 after 8 either. She can talk any other time than after 8 and I think that is reasonable. She also called today after JUST seeing them all weekend. And she will see them on Sunday as well for a whole week. Irritating.

Whatever, I ignore her calls for the most part but every day is excessive. She did not tolerate that from husband and she should know it is annoying. this is also the same Mom who said SD could not have a phone but she doesn’t mind using it to get ahold of SD whenever she wants.

Non-Custodial Mom’s First Visitation

This post will have to be one that is continued after the visitation has ended. But here is the first post.

So, this week has been utter chaos for the new-found Non-custodial Mother. She has called about 20 times on varying phones (there are three in our house) and has text the same three phones about 62 times. She has also insisted she speak to SD at 830 at night, WHILE SHE WAS IN THE SHOWER, because “it could NOT wait until morning.” Only to find out it was to ask what SS wanted to do over the weekend for his birthday. (This was Wednesday night BTW and it couldn’t wait until the next day or even til last minute. But whatever)

SS had a seizure like tantrum that was over the top crazy! Kicking and screaming and turning all red faced. WOW! I have never seen anything like it from any kid of any age before. Seriously, it was NUTS and I was scared.

So, we told the kids they needed to bring their backpacks to me after school. And then go to their Mom, she won’t bring their homework back to us and then it will look bad on us if she doesn’t. No thanks.

Did I mention that she sent locked boxes for the kids last week? As IF! We told them they did not get to keep the locks and since SS has a habit of taking weapons to school he was not entitled to privacy (in the bathroom to use it, change or shower YES, otherwise no way.) And that no one needed locked boxes in our house. And she also sent child locks, yep child locks. When asked what they were for the kids told us that “Mom bought these for our dressers, so A does not get into them!” ‘A’ is OUR son whom is almost 4. He cannot open their closets where their dressers are let alone open the drawers to them! I find it funny that she is trying to lock us and our kids out of everything when it is her children with my Husband that steal things and then lie about it. I find it also funny because she is locking us out as well and this is OUR HOME. If we did that at her house she would have a royal fit. I did not even mention it to her, of coarse. I am better than that and I have no intention of saying anything to her about it. I did mention it to the kids and said that they are not allowed to alter anything in our home and that child locks will be installed to things WE see fit not others. We do however… have a use for those nice child locks since our baby girl is now almost a year old and likes to open cupboard doors. So, we will be protecting our child from underneath the sicks with the locks that BM so “generously” purchased.

On another note about the kids….  we think the child support my Husband pays (almost $700 worth) should stay with the kids, which is right here with us. We do not want her money, she can keep it. we do want the money that Husband pays for THEM to be returned. she isnot going to like it and has already refused to do it willingly. So……. off to the attorney we go.